Funny Gmail ad correlations

AKA "I have not done any fucking studying whatsoever and I hate myself."

New blog! On the downside, also going to fuckingepicfail chem and bio. omg. I think I'll blog about those nasty subjects after I fail the finals.
Anyway, Gmail ads creep me out. They're always eeriely related to what's in my email. Does anyone else notice that? Haha, but sometimes they're just strange. Some of my favorites in the last week or so:
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1.) Email: Marie Chang also commented on her video
Ad: www.ThePinkBra.com - Beautiful European Styling Large Cup Size Bras on Sale

What disturbs me is not so much that gmail was slightly presumptuous (and gratuitous, haha I kid :]) about Paco's bra size or that they got all that out of Paco's comment (which was just, no lie, "....."), but that they assume that Paco wears bras. (:

2.) Email: Vinodh Venkataraman wrote on your wall
Ad: Call India for Cheap - No Contracts, No Monthly Fees!

... I think this one speaks for itself.

3.) Email (to self): "dear self, I hate you. no love, self."
Ad: Who Has a Crush on You? Calculate their Exact Name. Its Scary How Accurate this Is!

This is just confusing to me. if someone’s sending herself hate emails... chances are she's not in a very good mood. Sending her a fake crush calculator could go two ways -- one, girl with no self-confidence would go, 'Gee, I don't even like myself right now. Who else would? BS.' and ignore it, which defeats the purpose of the ad; or two, go, 'Aw, someone has a crush on me? I knew my day would get better! Yay, someone loves me!', click on it, and end up either having to pay for spam for the next two years or finding out no one loves her, thus causing her to slit her wrists and die. See, gmail?? Your lame ads can end in death!!!!!

More importantly, how can you "calculate" a name? Fools.

4.) Email: DPS Crime Advisory
Ad: Is Colon Cleanse A Scam? Don't Get Scammed. You Must Read These Colon Cleansing Reviews Now!

Ok, this correlation was semi-legit since the email was about a checking scam going around in the SC area (along with GI viruses, herpes, and rampant robbery), but what I found funny about it was the urgency in the ad. "you MUST read these reviews now!!" Honestly, a.) I did not even know what a colon was until, like, now; b.) I did not know you could clean a colon; c.) why would anyone outside people with dirty colon problems bother to go out and get it cleaned anyway; and d.) assuming you knew what a colon was, that you knew it could be cleaned, AND that you JUST had it cleaned recently, what are the chances you're going to be like, "Well shit, I better go look at what people who also just recently cleaned their colons and then decided to write a review on it on the Internet have to say... ASAP!"
So basically, this ad applies to about 0.0003% of gmail users, rendering it pretty much useless.

(sidenote: So I clicked on the ad... just a heads-up, if you did NOT enjoy 2 girls, 1 cup, you will NOT enjoy these reviews. Read: ILLUSTRATED reviews. UMFUCK.)

5.) Email (to Shaun): "yeah so i don't like the song at all. haha"
Ad: Lil Wayne's IQ = 117. Can you Beat his Score? Take our 2 minute IQ test.

Okay.
a. First of all, we were talking about a Killers song. Lil Wayne... Killers…?
… besides taking “killer” in the literal sense, I don't see any potential correlation.
b. Second, I really doubt Lil Wayne has an IQ of 117, which is, according to the IQ scale, "superior intelligence." "cuz I don't write shit, I ain't got time." Mmhm, if he really had a 117 IQ, I bet he wouldn’t have come up with all the shit he did on CIII.

6.) Chat (with Christine)
Ad: You can make a lovely hat out of previously-used aluminum foil.

Thanks, schizo. I’ll let the alien overlords know.

PS. um previously-used aluminum foil is so last year.
PPS. It was a conversation about studying! Honest.

7.) Email: Marina Liu wrote on your wall:
Ad: Socially Awkward Tees - www.CottonFactory.com - $10.99ish um, yeah.

Our awkwardness is so tangible that even the computer can see it. Also, the other one that came along with a different wall post was, "You are Making a Bad Investment." So, um yeah, we can't be friends anymore. Sorry.

8.) Email: Final Exam Info: 20083_bio_120_13003
Ad: Gmail Blog - Get your Gmail stickers

… I don’t want any damn stickers. How about just not failing this fucking final, kthnx?