I don't like college.

There, I said it.

I. don't. like. college. Wheeew.

Am I the only one? I feel like an anomaly in the name of college freshmen everywhere (the same way I feel when I tell people I hate talking on the phone. Yeah, I'm a failure of a teenage girl, and I'm not sure why)... but I really...don't like college. It's just a more expensive version of high school, except without the 200 Honda Civics in the parking lot.

This mentality makes me feel like such a letdown/bubble-burster all the time. Like when I'm home, my parents' friends would come up to me with a wide, hopeful smile and eager eyes and go, "Oh, so you in college now! So big! You like USC?" And I'm always like, "Um, not really." and have to watch their face fall as they struggle to come up with an appropriate response (since they're probably so used to their other friends' teenage daughters gushing, 'Oh, I love it! College is so wonderful and brimming with endless possibilities!')

What's worse is when my soph/jun/snr friends contact me and ask, "Jess!! How's college?!" It particularly breaks my heart to answer them, especially since I've been in their shoes. I hear the desperate hope in their voices, and I remember being the exhausted IB/AP student constantly trudging through high school, encouraging myself, "I just have to make it through these 4 years, and then I'll finally be off to college!" seizing on to the elusive haven of "college" as if it were a life preserver or the light at the end of the tunnel or some other optimistic shit like that (gross). So it just really breaks my heart to have to be like... "It's ten times harder than high school, I haven't slept in 4 days, you have nothing to look forward to in the future, so how's your life?" I can practically hear their tiny shreds of optimism crash. But I've always been an advocate for not leading people on about happy endings, so I console myself with the fact that they'll thank me later for not giving them false hope about what college is going to be like. Sigh. Oh J.Men, always doing that community service, one cynical thought at a time. -thumbs up-

The main reason I don't like college is that it's hard. (There, for all those wondering where my emo-ness is stemming from. Sorry to disappoint with such a trite reason.) But yeah. I never anticipated having to pull 9 all-nighters in 2 months (4 in one week alone), getting the worst midterm grade in the class and having the teacher advertise that, living at the fcking library, and just being an overall failure in all my classes.

Plus, I also really miss high school. I keep thinking that college is just some temporary summer camp-type thing, and I'm going to wake up one day and have to drink my soy milk, drive back to Wilson with my purple Jansport, work on the paper, move from Thompson to Gombos. But I'm not! It feels so weird. There's no waking up, there's no going back. (wow, I can totally write Midtown's next hit single). But yeah. Back in high school, if I had one killer week, I'd at least be able to just get through that week and then have a while to catch my breath. Now I can barely even catch a break! Everything piles up. I can't really describe the miserable frantic feeling you get when you look at the clock and realize that you really need more hours than are left, and you're trying so hard to stay awake to use up every possible second but you keep falling asleep and you hate yourself every time you wake up and see that even more time got wasted.

So with all my college contemplating and infinite wisdom, it's official - I have figured out the secret to saving Hollywood. Ready?
send celebrities to college.
that's right, it's that simple. lure them with the prospect of college being an instant pound-shedder (I can vouch for this. Who needs diets when you're faced with greasy American food to turn your stomach and stressful classes all day?! College could make rosie o'donnell lose weight.) then at the same time, tell the celebs that in order to gain access to this "all-exclusive diet rehab center", they have take a few classes while they're there. BAM. result: educated celebrities = better hollywood. those bimbos will be happy as they're losing weight, and we'll be happy as they slowly become educated and are not flashing their body parts and getting pregnant all over our tabloid magazines.
Kill two birds with one stone. It's a win win!
Move over, Rhonda Byrne; my secret is better than yours. (and brings all the boys to the yard).